I Should

How many times a day do you think to yourself, I Should?  It’s a common refrain for most of us.  I should be doing something.  I should do chores.  I should mow the lawn.  I should be creative.  I should go take pictures.  I should write a blog post. And on and on and on.

This post is a result of a lot of I Should going on in me right now.  It has been a while since I last wrote on my blog, almost 30 days and I have had this persistent feeling like I should write a blog post.  OK, fine, but what do I write about?  And that’s when I hit a roadblock.  I find myself in a position right now that is essentially my summer break where I am not “heads-down” in the thick of running workshops or speaking engagements or shooting for myself.  Summer months are my time to take a breather.  Still during these times, I typically have some inspiration or thoughts that I ruminate on until they morph in to a meaningful post.  This year seems to be different as I find myself not brimming with creative ideas right now.

As a full time photographer and teacher, I should not be at a loss for inspiration (see?  I said it again!). It’s what I do full time.  But just like you, I have a family and a life and sometimes those parts of me dominate my energy and consciousness, pulling me away from the creative side of my existence.  Which, I’m afraid, is where I find myself now.  I wouldn’t say that I’m having a “writers block” or some other contrived mental impediment to my creativity.  I think it’s something different.  I think it’s just that we humans only have so much bandwidth with which to focus and there are times in our lives that that bandwidth needs to be dedicated to things other than creative pursuits.  That’s kind of where I find myself right now.  So much of my bandwidth is being taken up by other stuff that I’m having a hard time focusing on creating art and finding inspiration.  Yes, sometimes you have to work to “find” inspiration instead of just letting it come to you.   There’s no need to go in to all of the things going on with me, but I say all of this to reinforce that all of us, at one time or another, are “stuck” in a spot and aren’t feeling the creativity or inspiration that drives much of our photography.  I’m not in a bad spot, just feeling like I should be doing “more” “different” “better” things than I am.   And, not feeling the energy to be focused creatively because of life taking up a large chunk of my available bandwidth.

So how do I get un-stuck and drop the I should from my vocabulary?  At first I tried to force myself to “be productive”, “make stuff”, “do stuff”.  That course of action led to frustration and for sure I was not producing my best work nor producing the “right” work.  I don’t know if it’s hardwired in us humans, or it’s a societal condition of “the American way” that when things get tough, we are conditioned to take charge and fix it and make it go again.  That’s in essence what I tried to do by forcing myself to be productive.  In some circumstances, taking charge and ramming home a solution can work, but in many, that’s often not the best course.   As soon as I realized that what I was doing was not productive and not solving my “I should” disease, I stopped and started thinking about it.

I bet you all have been in this place, wanting to feel a certain way but not, wanting to do something but can’t find the energy, etc.  That’s kind of where I found myself.  I was frustrated at myself for I felt I should not be this way that I should be productive. I knew it was similar to other “writer blocks” I’ve experienced in the past.  As soon as I realized that, it reframed the way I was looking at my situation and relieved some of the pressure with the I should tape playing in my head. In fact, a small digression, so stay with me here….the natural world is cyclical in nature. The sun rises/sets, the tides come and go, the seasons change around, etc..  We humans, being of the natural world, are cyclical as well.   I’ve learned over the years that my mental states can also be cyclical.  If I’m feeling one way on one day or a stretch of days, given enough time, that feeling will change with no direct action from myself.   So when I realized I was in a mental block I knew that given enough time my mind would work itself out of that.  The question is, did I want to wait long enough for it?  I don’t know since I’m still in the throws of this and that’s why I’m talking about the I Should aspects of my creative life.  I do have conviction that this phase will pass, it always does.

I do know for sure that there are some things I can do to help myself along this journey.

Let Go

When we try and force things, often times the results are less than satisfactory.  As a simple analogy, forcing a round peg in a square hole…with enough force you can get it to go in, but that round peg won’t be round anymore and that square hole will not be perfectly square anymore.  So one of the first things I do is stop forcing things and simply let go.  Letting go of whatever it is you are struggling with moves the power away from your ego, your mind and your will and things will be what they will be.  It lessens any expectations you may have for yourself and gives you the freedom to explore and take steps that you might not have taken otherwise.  Letting go seems so simple, yet it is one of the hardest things to do since we are conditioned to “control” and “manage” and “dominate” and “bend to our will” those things in our paths.  By letting go, we are more open and receptive to our surroundings, our moods and energy and to the whims of what may inspire us.

Seek Inspiration

Once I’ve let go and don’t have the I should pressure on me, I am then more free to seek out new inspiration.  That inspiration can come from anywhere, literally.  Instead of sitting here thinking “I should be producing a video”, I am now free to listen to myself and explore things that might inspire me.  I’ll read different articles, I’ll watch different videos, I may spend time with my guitar or keyboard or do whatever moves me.  Through letting go and then exposing myself to other stimuli, there is a very good chance that some of that will inspire me in ways that I didn’t realize were there.  In essence, freeing myself to explore and play and let myself go where my energy leads me is one way to seek newfound inspiration.

Learn Something New

I am a constant learner and I have realized about myself that when I learn something new, that inspires me in new ways, or reinvigorates my inspiration for my core work.  The act of learning fires new synapses and makes the brain work in ways that aren’t work when we are doing the same old thing.  It’s a way for me to give a jolt to my little neurons and get them jumping again! We recently had the photographer Rain Hayes on our We Talk Photo podcast and she has found some wonderful creative freedom in IR photography.  I’ve never tried it and have looked at it as being somewhat interesting.  I have not wanted to sacrifice a camera to be converted to IR just so I could try it out, but she mentioned the Hoya R72 infrared filter as a way for people to start to explore the world of IR.  Knowing that learning something new is a catalyst for me to spark creativity, I decided to purchase one.  It just arrived and I am starting the learning process on how to effectively use it and then develop the images.  It’s not that I want to incorporate a lot of IR in to my core photography, its more that I wanted to learn something new as a way to spark my creativity.  One thing is for sure, IR shows you a new perspective on the world around you and sometimes we just need a slight change in perspective to see the world around us and our place in it differently, which will change our outlook on our current situation.

Follow Your Energy

This is somewhat related to letting go and seeking inspiration, but it’s slightly different.  In the throws of my I Should, I kept feeling like I just wanted to sit and process images from this year, get caught up on my backlog.  Yet, my head kept saying “you should be doing something more productive, you can process images anytime”.  Then the other side of my head was saying in reply, “but that’s what I want to do”.  Once I let go and gave myself permission to process images, I instantly became happier and more fulfilled.  I followed where my energy was pushing me so my actions and activities were more harmonious with my energy.  I’ve been processing images today and feeling really good about it.  I’m getting through more of my backlog, which always feels good.  And through this work, I am free to explore different ideas while I work.  Editing images exposes me to patterns, shapes, textures, light and color and those things can have a way of inspiring me in different ways just by the visual stimulus that they provide.  I may want to explore new processing techniques, or I may notice something that could be the genesis of an idea for a blog post, video or book.  You never know what might happen when you are exposed and immersed in artistic pursuits and have the freedom to consider different things.  That’s what following my energy is about.

If you’ve made it this far….THANK YOU!  I wasn’t sure where this post would ultimately end up.  Some of my posts are well thought out and scripted, others are more free-form letting my words flow wherever they may go, which was the case with this post.  I knew that if I just started writing that after the first few sentences, I would overcome the inertia and then thoughts would flow.  So even though I started this because I thought I should do a blog post, getting to the end of it is a freeing feeling with that sense of responsibility lessened and more insights in to myself on finding more creative energy and inspiration.   If you ever find yourself stuck in a rut or playing the I Should tape too much in your head, seek out ways to break the cycle and head down a new more creative and productive path.

Hoh River